IN GOD NEWS: Shine A Light!

5 Jan

Lost your path? Seeking spiritual guidance? Want to bathe in the divine light? Then, following on from the other day’s largely inexplicable Steve Jobs action figure, achieve instant enlightenment with the Jeebus torch!

God Almighty

At 2.5-inches tall, the mini-Messiah is beardier, robier and holier than thou or, indeed, any other torch, and comprises both a torch and a handy keyring, with batteries included – and that’s a Holy Trinity right there. If only they could get it to automatically switch on with a cry of “Christ it’s dark!”

I Can’t Believe it’s Not Buddha

For those who like their LED-based illumination a little less hypocritical and liable to attract nutters like extremist moths to a blinding flame of self-righteousness, also available is this dazzling deity, the Booduh. Serene and pocket-sized, let his wise ways help guide yours. Light-weight to boot, he ain’t heavy, he’s your Buddha… etc.

Gasp in Aura

The best religious-tie-ins since the Pope on a Rope, the Moses Comb (for parting your waves), the Brahman (garment for the support and control of moobs), Hebrew Teabags, Dawkins Bazaar (shop selling nothing) and, of course, Testicles (bread and fish flavoured ice treats emblazoned with Bible passages).

Other religions are available. But not in torch format.

Pray here to order.

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